Claude looked around at the other kids at the party and for the first time in his life, everything looked different. Was he seeing things? Was he dreaming? He didn’t understand what was going on.
Out of nowhere, the other eight year olds went from typical kids to shadows. Was that the right way to describe everyone? No. It was as if their skin was suddenly made of painted glass like a ceramic doll. But inside of them was a bright light that made their outside harder to see.
Claude knew these kids. They were all from his class. He had seen them every day. So, what was happening to them now? What was happening to him?
Seeing their lights was making him feel funny. It was like when his mother made fresh bread. The smell of it would make Claude stare at it through the oven’s glass door. He couldn’t wait to melt butter on it and take his first bite. He would leave the kitchen until he did. And now he was having the same feeling staring at the kids.
There was one in particular who he really couldn’t stop looking at, though. It was the same boy he had caught himself staring at before. Even without seeing his light, Claude had been drawn to him.
Claude’s desire to do things with the boy was unexplainable for Claude. The boy hadn’t been one of the popular kids. Nor was he the smartest. Yet, there was something about him that made it hard for Claude to take his eyes off of him. And now the blueish light that pulsed gently within that boy made resisting him near impossible.
Seeing him ask the birthday girl something, Claude watched as the boy left the backyard for inside. Not wanting to lose sight of him, Claude followed. It looked like the boy was going to the bathroom. The thought of it did something to Claude. Again, he wasn’t sure why. But if he wanted to talk to him… no, to touch him, in the bathroom was where they would be alone.
With the boy closing the door behind him, Claude approached. Putting his hand on the knob, Claude quietly tested it. It was unlocked sending Claude heart pounding. They were about to be alone. It was something that he desperately wanted, even though he wasn’t sure why.
Quickly opening the door and sliding in, the boy turned to him in surprise. In front of the toilet with his hand on his zipper, the boy looked at Claude confused.
“Did you need to go first?” The boy asked Claude who just stared at him.
Claude didn’t respond. Staring back at him as something within him took over, Claude instead lunged forward instinctually reaching for his face. The boy stepped back but not enough. Claude, placing both of his palms on the boy’s cheeks felt a sudden rush.
It was unlike anything he had felt before. The sensation was better than a hundred slices of his mother’s bread. It was better than cake. It was better than anything he had experienced.
Not only did it make something in his head tingle. But it was like he and the boy had become the same person. He could feel the boy’s confusion. He felt the boy’s fear. And during all of it, he experienced a connection with the boy that he could have never imagined.
Claude needed more of it. He drank it like nectar. As he did, he felt the boy’s feelings waver. They were blinking like the boy’s light had been. When the pulse was strong, Claude felt like he was taking a deep breath after swimming up for air. When it was weak, Claude felt the pain of its absence leading him to pull more.
That’s what he was doing, he was pulling. There was something in the boy that he was pulling into himself. And if he focused, he would be able to get it all. He could have everything he liked about the boy and it would be Claude’s forever.
“What are you doing?” A familiar voiced cried as he latched onto the boy’s remaining well.
Claude ignored her. He was busy. If he could just get this last bit, he would have it all. He could feel like he did forever.
“No!” His mother demanded yanking Claude’s small hands off of the boy’s face.
As the connection broke, Claude cried out in pain. Wait, was it him who cried out or the other him. Who was who again? Weren’t both boys him? No, they weren’t. One was him and the other was…
Claude’s vision returned to him. He was in a bathroom. There were brown hands holding his arms. They were his mother’s. He had just been doing something. What was it? That’s right, there had been a boy.
Looking on the ground in front of him, Claude spotted the boy. He was lying on the ground motionless. Why was he on the ground? He had been fine just a second ago. And why was his pants wet.
It was then that Claude put it all together. He had done this to the boy. Claude was the reason the boy laid there lifeless. He looked back at his mother for answers.
“Come,” was the only thing she said.
Why was his mother scared? Claude didn’t understand. And why weren’t they doing something to help the boy?
“You need to pretend that none of this happened,” his mother told him. “I need to get you out of here, but first you need to pretend that you had nothing to do with this.”
“With what?” Claude asked desperately needing to know.
“Just pretend! Do you hear me?” His mother demanded after they were out of the bathroom and had ducked into a bedroom.
“Why? What did I do?”
Claude’s mother looked at her son with empathy. How was she supposed to explain this to him? How did she tell her beautiful baby boy that the life he had known was over?
Merri
“You’ve made a fool of my team, my organization, your father, and worst of all me,” the red faced old man said as his strings of spider veins brightened and crawled under his ridiculous looking white goatee.
Lowering my head, I allowed my mind to drift into another world. Have you ever had a dream about doing something? It could be achieving a goal, or to make a parent proud of you.
Perhaps after a lifetime of disappointing your father, your dream was to be his assistant coach as he coached his team to an NFL championship. Just as the clock counts down, he turns to you for the play that will win the game. And having waited for this your entire life, you pull out what you’ve been working on for months.
“A hail Mary pass?” He’d say to you.
“It will work, Coach,” you’d tell him unsure of yourself but sure that it was the right call.
“I don’t know about this. The game is on the line.”
“Trust me, Coach,” you implore.
When he looks away with doubt, you grab his shoulder and say, “This will work, Dad.”
And because of a lifetime of working together, he puts the championship in your hands and calls to the quarterback who initiates your play.
As the players blitz and settle, the quarterback launches the ball. Airborne, it travels 30, 40, 50 yards. And just as you drew it up, the receiver shakes off his defender, leaps, and then snatches it out of the air, falling into the end zone and winning the game.
Cheers and streamers follow. The other coaches lift you onto their shoulders victorious. And your father, who might have had his doubts about you, looks you in the eyes and nods as if to say, that’s my daughter and I’m proud. …Or, you know, some less oddly specific dream than that.
Well, I’m not too proud to admit that that might have been my dream. I’ve never been my father’s favorite. You might even say that my father thinks of me as a bit of a disappointment.
Yes, I am my father’s assistant coach. And after having a stellar Division 2 coaching career, the miracle that is ‘being offered an NFL team’ occurred. But that is where my dream ends. Because after two years of circling the drain, my father’s career might be over before it really started.
Worse than that, as we played our last game of the season, the one that determined our playoff chances, my father ignored me completely and called a play that lost us the game.
That was fine. Our team was used to losing. It is what it is. But suddenly unburdened by game preparation and everything else football, something found its way into my mind. After months of ignoring my boyfriend, I remembered that our relationship was on the rocks. Like my father’s coaching career, it was circling the drain.
With those thoughts overwhelming me, something unexpected happened, my face appeared on the giant screen. This had happened before. When games are televised, the cameramen are always looking for reaction shots.
The only problem this time was that they had chosen to focus on me because, in a moment of raw emotion, I was crying. I hadn’t even realized it. And if you’ve ever thought that there was no crying in baseball, I can assure you that, unless it’s after a big win, there is definitely no crying in football.
“You cried? On my football field? What type of goddamn pussy move was that?”
The team’s manager looked at the team’s owner knowing he had just crossed a line. Of course, he didn’t say anything about it. The team’s owner might as well have had his hand up the manager’s ass for how much of a puppet the manager was.
“You’re an embarrassment to my team. And that is saying a lot considering how much of a fuckin’ embarrassment this whole season has been. But do you know why it’s been an embarrassment? I said, do you know why it’s been an embarrassment?” He asked me.
“Because our blitzing is weak. We’re not deep enough to compensate for injuries. And our quarterback can’t complete a pass to save his life?”
The 72 -year -old man sneered at me with disgust.
“No, you piece of shit, know-it-all. It’s because your father’s shit-for-brains assistant thinks more about fucking the players than how to win the game.”
Prickles of heat crawled through me. Every muscle in my chest clenched making it hard to breathe. He had found it. The thing I have always feared hearing the most, he had spit at me like venom.
As a woman who works in football, there has always been a line I’ve had to dance. But as the daughter and assistant to the coach, that line has been a mine field. I could never date one of Papa’s players. And with their fragile egos, I couldn’t even let them think being with me was a possibility.
That meant always having to wear sweats. It meant never letting the guys see me as an object. And it meant making them believe that the reason I wasn’t interested in them was because I wasn’t interested in their gender.
Did I ever say that I was a lesbian? No, because that would be a lie and morally wrong. But if you drop a “she’s hot” every so often, word gets around. The players even encouraged it. They got a kick out of treating me like one of the guys and I let them.
I never knew how to talk to my father about this, however. On one hand, I knew he heard the rumors about me liking women. On the other, me actually liking guys didn’t change that I wasn’t the delicate flower he hoped his little girl would be.
No matter what I was, I would be letting him down. And that didn’t end with my lack of femininity. I did things that made his life harder. For example, I insisted he let me be his assistant coach and then I cried on national TV giving ammunition to the team’s owner to use in exit interviews and contract negotiations.
As I felt the tears threatening again, I did everything I could to hold them back. I couldn’t cry. Not now. Not here. I had to make it through this like a man.
So, as the owner berated my gender, and my intelligence, doing everything he could to make me quit, I bit my lip. I wiggled my toes. I did everything I could to distract myself from the thought that sat in the back of my mind, ‘what he said about me was right. I didn’t belong here’.
‘Don’t cry, Merri. You won’t cry!’ I told myself desperately willing it to be true.
I could do this. I could get through this. And when I did, I’d prove that I belonged here. I’d show my father and everyone else that I wasn’t a screw up. I wasn’t an embarrassment.
I’ll show them that I’m a person who belongs in football as much as any guy. And as the wet streaks slowly rolled down my cheeks and broke my heart, I knew exactly how I’d do it.
Claude
As early morning sunlight fanned over the mountains whitening the clouds, a mist filled the air. Stretching out my hamstrings one last time, I took a deep breath and began my run. Falling into rhythm in both breathing and pace, my mind settled. This morning was it. I had thought about doing it for so long and today was the day.
Rounding the mountain roads and entering the neighborhood, I went over my plan again. This was where Cage began his run. Casually bumping into him, I would invite him to join me and then do it.
There was no question that something in my life had to change. When I had first come back home, I had enjoyed the isolation. I had needed time to think. But two years of it have been too much.
Yes, I had my Facetimes with Titus and Cali, but they weren’t enough. If anything, getting to know my new brothers had been what was awakening this. I wanted to be more social. I was beginning to need it.
Why had I chosen to approach Cage, who was also my wolf pack’s alpha? I had thought a lot about that. Being half incubus, I was naturally drawn to power. There was something inside of us that hungered for it.
I have always been able to see people’s life forces. It’s like living your life at a buffet. A powerful wolf alpha like Cage glistens like a fine steak. Draining him could quiet my hunger for months, if not years. So, I really had to ask myself, out of everyone, why did I want to befriend him?
It was because we were at a similar stage in life. Since graduating from university two years earlier, we had made similar choices. Out of everyone in this small town, he was the one I could most easily see as a friend.
Besides, he and his girlfriend were the center of my brothers’ friend group. Cage and Quin hosted a lot of game nights. When Cage had first moved to town, he had invited me. But after turning down one too many, the invitations had stopped.
Step one, bump into Cage. Step two, invite him to join me on my run. Step three, casually bring up game night and express an interest in joining them. It seemed so simple. Yet, it was only now, weeks after coming up with the plan, that I had mustered the courage to try.
Perhaps this was what finding yourself at the end of your rope looked like, an early morning jog meant to ask for something you desperately missed, human connection and a friend.
Doing my best not to overthink this, I picked up my pace and rounded the neighborhood streets. With my heart thumping, Cage’s house came into view. I had timed it correctly, I could see Cage stretching on the driveway.
As I stared, my chest hurt. Caught under an avalanche of panic, I struggled to breathe.
I couldn’t do this. Not now. Not today. And just as Cage looked up noticing me jogging up his street, I turned around. Changing direction as if it had always been my plan, I jogged in the opposite direction.
I was a coward. There was no doubt about it. But worse than that, I was alone and would continue to be alone. Why couldn’t I get out of this? Being an incubus didn’t sentence you to a life of forced isolation like a vampire. What was wrong with me?
Returning home and heading upstairs into the shower, I stood naked with the water pooling in my curly hair. How had I become this person? University had been so different. I had had friends and a life. Now, back home in small town Tennessee, I was…
“Come downstairs when you’re done,” my mother said knocking on the bathroom door. “I have a surprise for you.”
Snapped back to the here and now, I looked up. My mother had a surprise for me? What did she mean by that?
Shutting off the water and getting dressed, I opened the bathroom door. Immediately the smell of roasting Arabica beans hit me. God was it good. But I hadn’t set it to brew.
“Surprise!” my mother said after I headed downstairs and entered the kitchen.
In one of her hands was a coffee mug. In the other was a muffin with a lit candle stuck in it.
“What’s this?”
“We’re celebrating,” my mother said enthusiastically, with her brown skin aglow from the candlelight.
“What are we celebrating?” I asked wondering if I had forgotten a birthday.
“We’re celebrating you moving into your new shop.”
I smiled despite myself.
“It’s really not that big of a deal, Momma.”
“Of course, it’s a big deal. You’ve worked out of our living room for the last year, and now you’re going to have your own office. “
“Which I’ll be sharing with Titus,” I reminded her.
“What does that matter? You’re now a thriving business owner and you have your own office.”
“That I share.”
“Claude, take the muffin,” she said handing it to me. “And the coffee. I asked Marcus what type you like. He told me it’s your favorite.”
I smiled. “Thank you, Momma.”
“You’re welcome,” she said with a smile. “I have a few minutes before we have to leave, why don’t we sit down and enjoy a coffee together.”
“Uh oh,” I said taking a seat.
“What, uh oh? There’s no uh oh. Can’t a mother spend a few minutes sitting with her handsome son?”
“Of course, Momma,” I said settling down. “Sorry. What do you want to talk about?”
Momma looked at me devilishly.
“Well, since you asked, are there any girls in your life that you’d like to tell me about?”
My head drooped hearing her often asked question. “No Momma, there are no girls in my life right now.”
“And why not?” She said leaning forward.
“I can feel a lecture coming on.”
“There’s no lecture. I’m just gonna say…”
I groaned.
“I’m just gonna say that you’re smart, and kind, and now you’re a business owner.”
“Here we go.”
“There’s no reason you shouldn’t have girls beating down your door.”
“Maybe I don’t want girls beating down my door.”
“Your momma had boys beating down her door,” she said proudly.
“And on the topic of things I didn’t need to know…”
“You should be grateful your momma was hot.”
“Momma!”
“Where do you think you got your good looks from?”
“I think this conversation’s over,” I said getting up.
“It’s over when you bring some hot piece of something home to meet me. I was sneaking boys into my room from the time I could get them through my window. Why isn’t someone crawling out of your window?”
“I’m on the second floor!” I said turning to her.
“Claude, what I’m saying is, what you’re doing isn’t healthy for anybody, but especially people like us. We need to connect with others. You know that. And that starts with opening yourself up. If you just gave someone a chance…”
“Momma!” I exclaimed ending the conversation and heading to my room.
“You’re too young and good-looking to be a lonely, old man,” she told me as I took my coffee and headed upstairs to my room.
Closing the door behind me, I had to admit she wasn’t entirely wrong. Something needed to change. This was not the life I had pictured for myself when I graduated university.
Sure, I had what was becoming a thriving business, and I worked with Titus. But that was only spring through fall. The rest of the year, having coffee at Marcus’s pop-up was the only time I didn’t feel starved.
Incubi didn’t survive just by latching onto someone’s life force and draining them dry. We could take it from people a little at a time. It could be like an I.V. drip. At the right rate, they wouldn’t even know it was being taken.
But I wasn’t going to feed off of friends like that without their consent. And since I was never going to again tell anyone what I was, I wasn’t going to get it.
Even so, just being around people helped. I wasn’t sure why. And if I could find the right person, someone who could replenish their life force faster than I took it, maybe what I had wouldn’t have to be a curse.
That was what Momma had implied by suggesting that I give someone a chance. She thinks that if I opened up and asked someone to be my feedbag, I could get what I needed. But not only was I not going to do that, I didn’t want to hear that from her. Not her.
That didn’t mean that she wasn’t right. Having isolated myself for the past two years, I was starving all of the time.
The only thing I could do not to go insane was to pretend I didn’t feel what I did. That had worked for a while. But having cut myself off from connection for so long, the dam was cracking. Something definitely needed to change.
Waiting for my usual five minutes before we had to go, I headed back downstairs grabbing the car keys. With my mother at school all day, we shared a car. It worked out well considering I never went anywhere at night. But driving her this morning with her picking up her lecture where she had left off, I second guessed our arrangement.
Dropping Momma off and heading to my new place, I pulled into the parking lot and sat. Staring at the small log structure, I was expecting to feel more than I did. Momma wasn’t wrong, having an office to run our business out of was a reason to celebrate. But with my business partner still finishing his spring semester, I was the only one here.
Getting out of the car, I walked the dirt path to our front door. The place was the ultimate cabin in the woods. Surrounded by perfect pines still damp with morning dew, I glanced through the trees at the shallow river less than a hundred feet away.
This place had been an excellent find. The only thing that it would never have was foot traffic. But with our tour’s path beginning less than a quarter mile away, it would allow us to fit more tours into our day. The rental made a lot of sense.
Unlocking the door and looking around, I felt its vacancy. Had this been a good idea? How much more isolation did I need? Could I spend the rest of my life working here in this town?
Quickly wiping a tear from my cheek, I straightened up and got sensible. I had wanted a business and now I had it. If I wanted to open up and let someone into my life, I could do that too.
I could no longer doubt that I needed it. There was a part of me that felt like I was going to crack without it. I just had to figure out how to unclamp the hands hiding my heart.
I didn’t know why I always withdrew from people the way I did, but I was going to break through that. I was going to let someone in and together we would be happy.
I could do this. I had to do this. And as I wiped another tear from my cheek, I heard a knock on the door that turned me around.
“Merri!” I said, shocked to see her steel-gray eyes once again looking back at me.
Merri
“Hey Claude,” I said as if it hadn’t been two years since I had seen him.
God, did he look good. It wasn’t like I had forgotten how his gorgeous eyebrows framed his square jaw and full lips. It was more that, I had forgotten how staring at them made me feel.
Seeing him for the first time freshman year was the final thing I needed to convince me I wasn’t just into guys but I had a type. The man’s complexion was the color of milk chocolate. How could someone not want to lick it?
Claude shook his head as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.
“What are you doing here?” He asked stunned.
“I was in the neighborhood. Thought I would stop by.”
“You’re in Tennessee!” He said still trying to piece everything together.
“What? Does Tennessee not have neighborhoods?” I joked.
“No, I mean, you live in Oregon.”
“Actually, I’m in Florida now.”
“Which still isn’t near Tennessee.”
I smiled. “You got me.”
“So, why are you here?”
“I thought I would stop by and say hi.”
“I got the keys to this place yesterday.”
“Is the place new?” I said looking around at the small cabin. “You run one of those river rafting tour companies, right?”
“Yeah. How did you know?”
“You have a website,” I told him as I explored the place.
“Of course. And I put this address on it.”
“Bingo.”
“Okay, that explains how you found the place. But that doesn’t tell me what you’re doing here.”
I looked back at my old friend wondering which I should go into first. A lot had gone on between us before he told me he was choosing to graduate early and leave the team. And I’ll admit that I didn’t handle his leaving well.
“I’m here because I have a proposal for you,” I said with a smile.
“And what’s that?”
“I don’t know if you know this, but my father became the head coach with the Cougars.”
“I didn’t know that,” he said in a way that told me that he also didn’t care.
“Okay. He did. And I became his assistant.”
“Like at university?”
“Sure. Although the pros are really different. If I told you some of the things…” I looked up and paused at the sight of his uncaring eyes. I looked down. “Not the point.”
“What is your point?” He asked coldly.
“My point is that he got that head coaching position, in part, because of you.”
“I see.”
“You aren’t surprised by that?”
“We had a good season.”
“We had three good seasons. And all of them were thanks to you.”
“I still don’t know what you’re doing here.”
With the moment at hand, I struggled to breathe. “I’m here because I’m inviting you to a workout.”
“A what?” Claude said, caught off guard.
“You know, a tryout for the team.”
Claude’s tension dropped.
“For the Cougars?” He asked, confused.
“Yeah,” I said excitedly. “Papa knows that he owes a lot of his success to you, and he thinks you have what it takes to play in the pros.”
“Merri, I haven’t touched a football since…” he looked away to remember.
“Since you won us our third division title?”
“Yeah.”
“You just put it down and never picked it back up, huh?”
“What was the point?”
“Don’t you miss it? You were so good out there. The way you could find a pocket and wait until the perfect moment to throw the pass…? It was amazing.”
“It’s a part of my past.”
“But, it doesn’t have to be. I’m here telling you that if you want it, you could have it again. I’m offering you an invitation back into it. I know you loved it. I’m sure you would love it again,” I said, wondering if I was still talking about football.
Claude stared at me not expressing much. I could feel my confident persona melting under the heat of his gaze. He always had a way of seeing through me. I wasn’t sure how he did it.
“Look, Claude,” I said, looking everywhere but in his eyes, “I know I don’t have the right to ask anything from you, especially because of the way things ended between us. But, it would mean a lot to me if you considered this. I’m really not in a good position right now with the team…”
“So, this is about you?”
“This is about us… I mean, what we had. We had a good thing going back then, right? I was your quarterback coach and trainer. You were the star player. You shined and everyone loved you.”
“That’s not why I played.”
“Then, why did you play?” I asked, sensing a way in.
“It doesn’t matter. That part of my life is over.”
“But it doesn’t have to be. Again, I know you don’t owe me anything. But I’m asking you to at least consider it. It would mean a lot to me. Papa too. We would both love to work with you again. And, two years or not, I know that what you had is still in there. You were just that good,” I said, ending with a smile.
I could tell I got through to him when his gaze finally lowered.
“I’ll consider it.”
Rushing forward, I threw my arms around him.
“I knew you would. I knew it,” I said, overjoyed. “You were great back then and you’ll be great again,” I told him as I released him.
“I only said I’d consider it,” he said coldly.
“Of course. Right,” I said, pulling myself together. “I’m just really happy right now. Look, I’ll be in town for a few days before I head to my next meeting. How about I call you in a day or two? We could do dinner. It’ll be my treat.”
“You have my number?” Claude asked, confused.
“Everyone has your number.”
“What?”
“It’s the one from the website, right?”
“Oh. Yeah.”
“Then, I have it,” I said, heading for the door. About to leave, I stopped. “Hey, remember sophomore year when we took that camping trip to Big Bear.”
“It’s hard to forget. It was the first time I shifted in front of you. You nearly passed out.”
I laughed. “To your credit, you had warned me how intensely disturbing it would be to hear your bones break. But I had insisted.”
Claude thought a moment and nodded. “Yep. I haven’t shifted in front of a human since.”
“You know, I’ve been to a lot of places and seen a lot of things since then. Now I realize that watching you shift was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. I never thanked you for it. Thank you.”
Claude grunted pensively.
“I’ll call you,” I told him before taking a final look at my once best friend, and then walking out.
Claude
I stared as my reason for leaving university early retreated to a rental car and drove away. My heart pounded. A prickling heat washed over my skin, rattling my bones. Taking a deep breath, I struggled to breathe.
I couldn’t take this. Feeling caged within the office, I needed to run. I leaped to the door and flung it open. Stripping down to nothing, I shifted and took off.
Losing myself in the trees, all I could think about was the feeling as my leg muscles drove me forward. The wind whipped through my fur. Around me, the world slowed down.
This was how I had felt with the football in hand and a defensive line fighting to get past our offensive’s wall. If I had ever had a secret weapon, being able create this feeling on the football field was it.
My four legs sprinted for as long as they could. As they slowed down, I fell into a still brisk pace. I couldn’t have guessed how much seeing Merri again would affect me. At one time she had meant so much to me. But after she showed me who she really was, I had realized that I had never known her.
At university, players had joked that the reason I was so good was because I was a robot programmed to throw a football. That implied that I had no heart. I did have a heart, and it broke after the things Merri had said to me.
Exhausted and feeling like my legs were on fire, I eventually stopped. With my head lowered, I struggled for breath. I remembered this feeling. It was how I had felt when the loneliness got too much for me.
When the world felt like it would collapse around me, I ran. Whether as a wolf or human, running was the only thing that helped me keep things together. Running quieted my mind enough to be the person I had to be.
Standing as my swirling mind slowed, I looked around. I knew where I was. I was at one of the stopping points on Titus’s tour. In front of me was a pond that connected to the stream that flowed by our office. Further upstream, it connected to a river that began at the mountains. With the lush green trees surrounding it, it was beautiful, peaceful.
Needing to talk to someone, I returned to the office, shifted back and got dressed. Pulling out my phone, I called the only one I knew would answer.
“Claude, what’s up?” Titus said in his usual cheerful voice.
I paused before I spoke. Why had I called him? I had needed to hear his voice? Did I just need to know that I wasn’t alone?
“Claude?”
“Yeah, sorry. My phone slipped.”
Titus laughed. “So, what’s up?”
“Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“No. I just left class. I’m walking back to my dorm. Is Cali with you?”
“No. I was, ah, I was calling to let you know that I got the keys yesterday. We officially have an office.”
“That’s fantastic! Does it feel like home?” Titus joked.
“It feels like a practical space to work from,” I clarified choosing my words carefully.
Titus laughed. “Of course you’d say that. Well, I’ll be up tomorrow to help you move the equipment in. I’m sure Mama will be happy to have it out of the yard.”
“I’m sure she will.” I paused considering what I would say next. “You know, a funny thing happened when I got there this morning.”
“What? Is it leaking already?”
“Nothing like that,” I said as I turned to walk back to the office. “Someone was there.”
“Yeah? Who? Was it a customer?”
“No. It was someone I knew from university. She was an assistant coach on the football team.”
“Really? How did you know her?”
“What do you mean?”
“What do you mean, what do I mean? How did you know her?”
“She was an assistant coach on the football team, and I played on the team. Although, I guess I knew her socially as well.”
There was silence on the other side of the phone.
“Wait. Back up for a second there. You were on the football team at university?”
“Yeah,” I said, knowing that I had avoided the topic until now. “Haven’t I mentioned it?”
“No you haven’t mentioned it!” Titus replied, stunned. “Are you telling me that in all of the time we’ve been working together, you’ve heard me talk about everything going on with my team and you never once thought to mention that you played ball at university?”
“It didn’t come up,” I told him.
“It didn’t come up? Don’t you think that’s one of those things that you bring up?”
“It really wasn’t a big deal. I was hoping to put that time behind me.”
“Rough games, huh?”
“I guess. Anyway, the assistant coach showed up at the office. Apparently, she got the address from the website.”
“What did she want?”
“She wanted me to get back involved with football.”
“How?”
“I’m not sure,” I lied, not wanting to get into it.
“So, she just wants you back in the sport?”
“Seems like it.”
“And how did you know her?”
“She was an assistant coach on the team. And, I guess you can say that we were friends.”
“Friends? Wait a minute, you had friends in university?” Titus joked.
“Yes, I had friends.”
“What type of friend was she? Because girls don’t show up out of nowhere trying to get you back for no reason.”
“I assure you, we were just friends,” I said, clearing up any misunderstandings.
“Doesn’t sound like it,” Titus teased.
“That’s all we were. Though…”
I faded off.
“Don’t leave me hanging.”
“She and I were best friends. And there might have been a few times when she gave me the impression that she was attracted to me.”
“Really? And how did you feel about her?”
“She was a friend. That’s how I felt about her.”
“So, this long lost friend, who you haven’t talk to in how long?”
“Since I left school.”
“This long lost friend who might have been into you, and who you haven’t talk to in two years, shows up at your place of work trying to win you back.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“Are you sure? Because that’s what it sounds like.”
I thought about that for a moment. Titus didn’t have all of the information, but was he wrong? There had been times when Merri and I were hanging out that I had caught her staring at me. It had happened more than once.
Knowing she was only into girls, I had dismissed it as her being awkward. Merri could definitely be awkward on occasion. But if she had been into me, could her invitation to work out for the team be something else? Was the work out even real?
“I don’t know,” I told Titus honestly.
“Well, I don’t know her. But I know you. And I know that you don’t know the effect you have on people. If there is a long lost best friend who has shown up out of nowhere trying to win you back, I would say, be careful.
“And, do you even want to be involved in football again? It couldn’t have meant that much to you considering this is the first time you’re bringing it up.”
“It had its moments.”
“Be careful. You might not think so, but this sounds like it has more to do with her late night regrets than her offering you some generic football position. This sounds questionable as hell. I mean, is there really even a job?”
“Maybe you’re right.”
“As someone who spent my nights regretting not acting on my feelings for my best friend, I’m telling you I am. So, unless you’re looking for a hookup, I say pretend it never happened… And I’m not just saying that because you’re my business partner and I couldn’t run the business without you.”
I smiled. “Of course not. Your advice isn’t biased at all.”
“Seriously, though. It sounds like there’s more to the story than you know.”
“Got it. And you’re right. It does seem like there’s more to the story. Maybe I’ll let it go. Thanks, Titus.”
“You’re welcome, Bro. That’s what I’m here for.”
“I’ll see you this weekend.”
Ending the call, I considered what Titus had said. He was right about one thing. There was more to the story. Did Merri have an ulterior motive? I had always known her to be a straightforward girl. One of the things I liked best about her was that I had felt like I could trust her. That is until I couldn’t.
So, did I entertain what Merri was offering? And, what exactly was she offering? When we were at school, I thought that Merri was a friend I would have for the rest of my life. She was the one girl I felt like I could be myself with.
It had been because of her that I had the success on the team that I did. In high school, I had always felt the need to keep a low profile. Although the town and my team were full of wolf shifters, I was the only incubus. The best thing I could have done was blend in.
But during my freshman year as a walk-on, I was nervous as hell at tryouts. Throwing the ball around trying to shake off the nerves, this blond tomboy with steel-grey eyes walked up to me and asked if I was trying out for quarterback. After I had told her that I played as a wide receiver in high school, she suggested that I switch positions.
I wasn’t about to do that. The quarterback was the focus of the team. Not only had I never before played that position, it would require a lot more attention than I was looking for.
Keeping an eye on her as she wandered around the field, I later noticed her talking to the coach. At one point, I saw both of them look at me. And when it was my time to line up with the other walk-ons, coach said, “You, what’s your name?”
“Claude Harper, sir.”
“Merriam tells me you have an arm,” he said in front of everyone.
I looked over at the girl who had seemed to be the water girl.
“I’m trying out for receiver. I have a pretty good sprint.”
I had been doing a lot of running by that point. My 40 -yard dash times were what I was hoping would get me on the team.
“Well now you’re trying out for quarterback. You have a problem with that?”
“No, sir.”
“Good. Go warm up.”
I did what I was told and warmed up. I didn’t know much about the team considering division two teams didn’t get national coverage. But what I did know was that they were set as a quarterback. Mark Thompson was a senior and was a lock to get the spot.
“I’ll warm you up,” Merriam told me when I headed to the nets.
“Why did you tell him that? I told you I wasn’t trying out for quarterback. Are you making sure I don’t get on the team?”
She looked at me startled.
“No. That’s not it at all. He’s my father. He told me to watch everyone and tell him what I see. I saw that you have a great arm.”
“Yeah, but the team has a quarterback. You probably even have a backup.”
“We have Mark. But he gets injured a lot. And our backup can’t hit the side of a barn. We have fast receivers and a strong offensive line. So, if we could shore up our quarterback position, we have a chance at a division title.”
“But why’d you tell your father to consider me? I told you, I don’t play quarterback.”
“Because you haven’t played it yet doesn’t mean you can’t. I feel like you’re one of those guys that has more going on than you let on. I know something about that.”
“Yeah. You’re the coach’s daughter pretending to be the water girl.”
“I am the water girl. Papa doesn’t believe in giving me an unfair advantage. I have to start from the bottom like everyone else.”
“Everyone else who has a job waiting for them as soon as they prove themselves?”
“What do you mean?” She asked, clueless to how unlike everyone else her position was.
“Nothing.”
“Well, if you want, I can run and you can hit me on the move.”
“You?” I asked wondering if she could even handle a hot pass.
“Why not?” She asked defensively.
“No reason,” I said sending her long.
After I threw a few passes left and right of her, she came back to me.
“I told you I’m a receiver,” I said, hoping she would get me transferred back to where I belonged.
“Are you trying?”
“What do you mean if I’m trying? I’m throwing it, aren’t I?”
“You’re throwing it like someone is forcing you to try out for quarterback.”
“Someone is forcing me to try out for quarterback.”
“Okay, fine. But, are you telling me that that’s all you have?”
“That’s what I got.”
“So, you’re saying if your girlfriend’s life was on the line…”
“I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Then let’s say your mom. If it meant saving your mom’s life, would that be how you threw the ball? You don’t have anything beyond that?”
I looked at her knowing what she was talking about. Yes, I was holding back. I always held back. I never wanted anyone to know what I was truly capable of. People were scared of what I was. Supernatural creatures feared my kind the way humans feared vampires. And when we drained a fae or shifter, it made us practically invincible.
But staring at the girl who looked at me with unusual interest, I remembered that I was no longer in a small town surrounded by the supernatural. I was at a university in Oregon surrounded by humans who didn’t know creatures like me existed.
When I was a kid, there was a man who claimed his child had changed into a wolf and had killed his wife. So humans knew about wolf shifters. But only the oldest of supernaturals remembered the incubi as more than just a children’s story. And according to Momma, that was how we wanted it.
But, did I have to worry about that here? Seeing their life forces, I could tell everyone was human.
“I might have something past that,” I said, bringing a smile to Merriam’s face.
“Then, let me see it,” she said, jogging down the field.
Centering myself as she ran away, I dug deep and locked in. As soon as she turned and crossed, I let loose everything I had and hit her in the chest. She caught it with ease. More than that, the pass felt good.
Giving me the ball back, she ran 10 yards further and crossed again. Letting it fly, I hit her in the numbers. No matter how far away she ran, each time I landed the ball exactly where I wanted it. My play had even surprised me. Until then, I was never sure of what I was capable of. I had discovered it thanks to this unusual girl.
“Call me Merri,” she told me as we returned to her father. “He’s ready, and he’s really good,” Merri said enthusiastically.
“Oh yeah? Let’s see it,” Coach said, sending me onto the field.
Sitting at my office desk, I was snapped out of the memory by a notification on my phone.
The text read, ‘Hey Claude, Merri here. This is my number in case you need to get a hold of me. Let’s grab a bite to eat.’
I stared at the message. Why was Merri here? Was there actually a workout? Or was there something else going on like Titus had suggested?
‘Let’s meet tonight. There’s a diner on Main Street. I’ll be there at 7,’ I wrote back.
It wasn’t long before her reply arrived.
‘Excellent! Can’t wait. Thanks.’
My chest clenched reading it. What was it about Merri that got me to do things I didn’t want to do? I didn’t want the spotlight from playing quarterback. But she convinced me, and we won three consecutive titles.
I had walked away from football. Yet, here I was… Hell, I didn’t know what I was doing.
All I knew was that I had been happy having Merri out of my life. Well, maybe I wasn’t happy, but I was figuring it out. And now, here I am excited about seeing her again.
I didn’t want to be excited about seeing her. She had said awful things to me. Was I so desperate to connect with someone that I was going to overlook what she did? What she had said?
This wasn’t me at all. I felt like I was slowly losing myself. Clearly, Merri still had some type of power over me. And if she could convince me to ignore what happened the last time I saw her, what else could she convince me to do?
Merri
I sat in my room still buzzing from seeing Claude again. I had forgotten how good he looked. I mean, he was hard to forget, but somehow he still made my heart thump. Looking at my hands, they were shaking.
No one else has ever had this effect on me. That was why I ran away from my feelings for him back at school.
Every day that passed I was losing my grip on the image I had to maintain. I was the daughter of the football coach. I didn’t date the players. And since all I ever wanted was to follow in Papa’s footsteps, I had to fight my feelings for Claude.
If I wanted to be respected in football, it was what I had to do. And if I wanted Claude to play for the Cougars, it still was.
Yet, unable to take my mind off of Claude’s text, when my phone rang, I immediately answered it.
“Hello?” I said, hoping to hear his voice.
“So you decided to pick up?” the caller replied.
“Jason?” I asked.
I looked at the caller ID. It read ‘Unknown’.
“Expecting someone else?”
“No, I… I was waiting for a business call.”
“I bet you were,” he said with the venom that had brought me to tears at the end of the last game of the season.
“I’m not cheating on you if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“I wasn’t. But it’s good to know where your mind’s at.”
“What is it, Jason?” I said, not wanting to have this conversation.
“Is that how you’re gonna talk to me? You leave town without telling me and that’s what you’re gonna say?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“How about that you’re sorry? Or that you’re going to stop being such a jerk to me.”
“I really don’t have the time for this.”
“And that’s the problem, you never have time for me. During the season you make the excuse that you’re preparing for games…”
“I have to prepare for games!” I insisted.
“Then when the season ends, you take off without a word like I don’t matter to you, even a little?”
“Of course you matter to me.”
“Then why don’t you act like it? Why don’t you ever act like it?”
The harsh truth was that there was always a part of me that hoped I would end up with Claude. I knew it wasn’t fair to Jason, but I was never entirely committed to our relationship. I always had one foot out the door.
“Nothin’, huh? Figures,” he said after my long silence.
“What does that mean?”
“That means I don’t think I want to do this anymore.”
“Do what?”
“This! Any of this.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I want to break up.”
“Okay. Whatever,” I told him, not wanting to fight anymore.
“So that’s it, huh?”
“You’re the one who said you wanted to break up.”