Hurricane Laine

It was as the tears made their way to my eyes that I looked around and saw someone I truly never expected to see. It was a guy I knew from college. At least I think it was. That was approaching ten years ago. And it wasn’t anyone I was friends with, but I certainly saw him around campus.

We had both gone to a small, mid-western college. The school wasn’t big enough to not at least recognize everyone’s face. What were the odds of running into him in a coffee shop in the middle of the day in Calabasas?

Now, here’s the tricky part. I recognize him, but I don’t remember his name. Here’s the other thing. I have put on a few pounds since college. I was never really a thin girl, so those few pounds have tipped the scales for me.

Back then I could have considered myself to be “solid”. Now, I’m… how would I say this so that I’m not being horrible to myself? Now I’m pleasantly plump.

So, with all of that in mind, do I even bother striking up a conversation? What would be the point? It wasn’t like we were friends.

On the other hand, I don’t remember him being this good looking. It wasn’t like he was a part of the sweatsuit brigade in college, but the tailored shirt he was wearing was hanging on him like a bad habit. He’s the type of guy who, if I were in a better state of mind, would make me think of sex. That’s worth fumbling through a forgotten name.

As to the extra 50 pounds, couldn’t I tell him that it wasn’t mine and I was just holding it for a friend? Sure I could. He’d believe that, right? Besides, it’s not like my life could get any worse.

“I’m sorry,” I said grabbing the good looking guy’s attention. When he looked at me, he had this steely look in his eyes that, if I were in a better state of mind, might have made my down-below quiver. “Do I know you?”

The good looking man flashed a good looking smile. “I don’t know. Do you know me?”

He said that like he was famous or something. Wait, did I actually go to school with him or do I just recognize him from TV? Freakin’ Calabasas!

“No, we went to school together, didn’t we? Beloit College?”

The man’s face dropped recognizing the name. He stared at me trying to figure out what was going on. It took him a second, but soon his smile returned.

“Wait, yes. Yes, I know you. You used to live in… What was that dorm closest to the gym? It was our senior year,” he said excitedly.

“Haven. Yeah, it was Haven. It was our senior year. You got it,” I said feeling a glimmer of hope remembering a time when my life was so full of possibilities.

“That’s right, Haven,” he agreed with a smile. “Laine,” he said offering me a wave from two tables away.”

“Jules.”

“That’s right, Jules,” he said as if he recognized my name.

Laine stared at me for a moment with a pleasant smile on his face and gestured for permission to come over.

“Please,” I told him welcoming the company.

“So, Jules, what have you been up to? What are you doing in Calabasas? Do you live here?”

Here was the tricky part. What was I supposed to tell him? In these types of situations, aren’t you supposed to humblebrag about the great things going on in your life? So, what was that for me? I could tell him that I recently found $10 in a pants pocket, but I didn’t want to make him feel that jealous.

“Honestly, not much,” I told him instead. “I was up in Seattle for a while. But a family situation brought me back here.”

“Are you from here?” Laine asked getting better looking by the second.

“Yeah. Not Calabasas, but Southern California.”

“And, where do you work? What do you do?”

He had to ask me that, didn’t he? It was such an L. A. thing to ask. I didn’t have the energy to blow smoke up his ass. It had already been a long day, so I told him the truth.

“I don’t work anywhere, actually.”

“Oh, are you married?”

I laughed. I hadn’t even dated anyone since moving back here. My lady bits have already twice filed for unemployment.

“No. It’s just that I’ve been looking for something temporary because I don’t know how long my “family situation” will last, and the agency I was working through can’t seem to get their act together,” I said deciding it was better to blame my situation on corporate.

“Oh, okay,” he replied with quickly diminishing interest. Freakin’ L. A.!

“But, how about you? What have you been up to? You look like you’ve done well for yourself.”

This was what got his focus back on me. Who would have guessed that a guy would want to talk about himself?

“Actually, I’m doing very well. I own an investment firm.”

“Really?” I asked suddenly understanding what he meant by “very well”.

“Yeah. After college I moved to New York to work for one of the big banks. I shorted a couple of stocks right before the great recession and then took home a fortune,” he said with a million-dollar smile.

“So, when the economy was crashing?” I asked him.

“I was raking it in.”

“Huh,” I said as I began to consider the morality of how he made his money.

“But, don’t mistake me for those asshole bankers packaging those toxic mortgages. That wasn’t me.”

“No, you just made money by betting on those banks to fail.”

“Actually, it was by betting on them being too big to fail,” he said with another smile.

It had been a long time since I had thought about back then. We were just recent graduates entering an about to be devastated job market. It wasn’t something I had the energy to think about now.

“So, are you married?” I asked him trying to cut to the good bits.

“No. Not married,” he told me flatly.

“Special someone?”

“Nope. Nothing.”

“How?” I asked sounding like I was flirting… because I was.

“Who knows,” he said with a charming smile.

Yeah, that told me everything I needed to know. He wasn’t married because he didn’t want to be. Clearly, he was the type that liked to keep his options open. If today was going to end in sex, I would have to remember that. Not that it was…

“I see,” I said returning his smile.

“It’s funny that you asked me about that,” he said seeming like he wanted me to probe.

“Why?”

Laine leaned back in his seat and looked away. “You ever get yourself in a weird situation, that you don’t know how you ended up in?”

“Laine, you don’t know how often. I live in that state.”

Laine chuckled. “Then maybe you can relate. I’m heading down to the Bahamas in about a week…”

“Nope, can’t relate,” I said cutting him off. He chuckled again.

“I’m heading down in about a week and I’m going to be hanging out with a friend.”

“Sounds nice.”

“Yeah, but I might have told the friend a bit of an exaggeration.”

“What’s that?”

“I told him that I was dating someone and that I would be bringing them.”

“Why would you tell him that?” I asked confused.

“I don’t know. He’s just a guy that makes me feel… There are some people who always make you feel bad about yourself no matter how well you’re doing. That’s him.”

Damn, how rich does his friend have to be to make a successful investment banker feel bad about himself?

“I think I know something about how that feels,” I told him genuinely relating.

“Yeah, well, that’s him. And, in order to not look like a total loser, I have to find someone to go with me and pretend to be my fiancé.”

“Your fiancé?”

“Yeah, I know,” he said lowering his head and rubbing his eyebrows in frustration.

“I gotta say, Laine, you’ve gotten yourself into quite a dilemma. So, are you gonna tell him the truth?”

“Oh, god no. I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

Laine paused for a moment as something flashed through his mind. “I just can’t do that.”

“So, what are you gonna do?”

“I have to find somebody.”

“You have to find someone to go to the Bahamas with you. Yeah, good luck with that,” I joked.

“It’s not as easy as you think,” he protested.

“Really? You can’t find somebody to go to the Bahamas with you?”

“No. I can’t.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“I can prove it,” Laine said confidently.

“How?”

“Like this. Jules, would you like to go to the Bahamas with me and pretend to be my fiancé?”

“Oh, I would love to but can’t. I have to work.”

“See!” He said triumphant.

“Okay, I see what you mean. But the only reason I can’t do it is because I have to work. Believe me, if I didn’t, I would absolutely do it. I can’t tell you how much I need a trip to the Bahamas right now.”

“What, the family thing?” He asked becoming more serious.

“It’s a money thing. I really need to work right now. I mean, I’m not gonna get into it, but I really need the money.”

So you know that feeling when a suuupper rich, suuupper handsome guy is staring at you with a twinkle in his eye that makes you want to throw yourself at him like a rug? Well, that might be what’s going on now.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” I asked him.

“The only thing stopping you from helping me out is money?”

“Yeah. I don’t know what world you live in. But, in my world, it’s a big thing.”

“I’m sure. But it’s something I have,” he said starting to beam with confidence.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about where he was going with this. “What are you suggesting?”

“How much would get you out of your “family situation”?”

“How much? Geez, I don’t know. Probably more than you have.”

Laine twisted his head in doubt. God was this guy cocky. How much money did he have? My family situation could have been in the millions.

“Give me a number,” he said making me question what the hell was happening.

Steadying myself I looked at Laine again. How much did I remember about him from college? Not much. I think I do remember him being a little full of himself back then, too. I really didn’t interact with him, but I was starting to remember female friends who did. If I remembered correctly, he was a bit of a man whore.

And, didn’t I have a girlfriend who came crying to me about him? Was that about Laine or someone else? It was such a long time ago. It’s hard to remember.

Whoever it was about, it had been ten years. People change. Situations change. More importantly than all of that, my situation had changed. And here was a guy asking me how much money I needed to get out of the hole I’m in. What do I tell him?

If his offer was real, I certainly didn’t want to scare him off by saying a number that was too high. At the same time, he was bragging about having a lot of money. Why shouldn’t I at least be honest?

“$200,000.”

“$200,000?” He asked with a broad smile.

“Yeah. There are medical expenses involved and a student loan that…”

“Deal,” he said cutting me off.

“What?” I asked sure that I had misunderstood him.

“I said it’s a deal. I’ll do it. If you come with me to the Bahamas and pretend to be my fiancé, I’ll pay you $200,000.”

I was stunned.