Chapter 1


Drue’s heart raced as he gazed across the room. Scot had just looked at him and smiled. Drue didn’t know what he should do. His girlfriend of two years had just broken up with him and for the first time in a long time, he was single.

Twelve hours away from graduating from college, this could also be his last chance. He had had a major crush on Scot from the moment he had laid eyes on him freshman year and undoubtedly they were headed in opposite directions for the rest of their lives. If Drue was ever going to know what it was like to touch Scot, it would have to happen tonight.

Drue and Scot hadn’t exactly been friends but Drue had gone to see every play that Scot had been in. He had even traveled forty minutes to Rockford to watch him in his first profession production. After each of the college productions, Drue had gone up to him and told him how much he liked it. Drue never mentioned that he had seen him in Rockford. That felt a little too stocker-ish. Drue didn’t want to give Scot the wrong impression. Drue didn’t want Scot to think that he was gay.

Did Drue lie in the dark thinking about Scot in the tights he wore in Christmas Carole? He did, but that didn’t make him gay he decided. At most, he was bisexual. But maybe not even that.

Drue just liked Scot; his tapered waist and chiseled cheekbones, his smile and the way he made Drue feel like ‘he was the only one in the world that mattered’ when he talked to him. It was more like Drue wanted Scot to be his best friend than to have sex with him. But if Scot did ever want to have sex with him, Drue was willing to give it a try… you know, for the sake of their burgeoning friendship.


When Drue looked back towards Scot, Scot was headed towards him. Drue’s face flushed. A warm feeling rushed through his body and he felt his sex tingle. Scot rarely initiated conversation with him and Drue legs shook with anticipation.

“Hey,” Scot said yelling over the din of the party.

Drue felt his cock tug against his jeans as Scot’s warm breath washed against his ear.

“Hey,” Drue replied nervously.

“When are you leaving?”

That was the question that everyone was asking everyone else. Most of them would pack up their parent’s car before the graduation ceremony and head out right after. Only a few would stick around for another day.

“After the ceremony. What about you?”

“I’m heading out the day after,” Scot said.

“What’s your plan?”

“I’m driving to Los Angeles,” Scot explained.

“You gonna do the whole acting thing?”

“I’m gonna try. What about you?”

“I don’t know.”

“What was your major, again?” Scot asked searching his mind.


“That’s right. So you’re gonna be a big Wall Street tycoon,” Scot said with a broad smile.

Drue melted looking at Scot. His heart fluttered knowing that he was the cause of Scot’s smile. He imagined what Scot’s arm would feel like around his waist. Then with the help of whatever concoction he was drinking, he imagined what it would feel like if Scot kissed him.  

“I don’t know, maybe” Drue replied sheepishly. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do yet. I’m just gonna head back with my parents and go from there.”

“Hey, you should come to Los Angeles,” Scot suggested.

Drue’s heart raced. Why would Scot suggest that? Although they were both always friendly towards each other, Drue didn’t think that they were friends. Feeling his cock grow brick hard, he lowered his hand to hide it.

“Should I?” Drue asked. “Are there a lot of financial firms out there?”

“I don’t know. But don’t movie studios hire finance majors? Or you could manage all of the money I make when I’m a big star,” Scot said with almost a blush.

“Yeah, that would be cool,” Drue said feeling Scot lock his soft gaze on him.

A silence drew out between the two as both boys stared into the other’s eyes.

“I can’t believe this will be the last time we’ll see each other,” Scot said turning Drue to jelly.

Drue didn’t know what was happening. Nothing like this had happened between them before. Drue felt like Scot was about to kiss him right here in front of everyone. Scot was slowly leaning in. He was about to do it. How was this happening?

Drue’s heart pounded like it was trying to escape his chest. Scot was so hot. Drue had fantasized about this for so long.

“Scot, you want a shot?” the barrel-chested football player yelled stealing Scot’s attention.

‘No!’ Drue yelled in his head as Scot turned away.

The football player approached Scot with a few of his friends and dragged him away. Drue’s heart hurt. He almost wanted to cry. He couldn’t believe how close he had gotten to living his greatest fantasy. In truth, he had more than just laid in bed thinking about Scot. He had jerked off to the thought of him.

There was a summer when both boys had stayed on campus and they had been assigned the same house to live in. The bathrooms were shared and although it was customary to wait until the bathroom was empty before entering, once while Drue was in the shower, Scot had knocked to come in. It would have meant nothing if the shower had a curtain, but instead, it was a transparent plastic door.

Scot entered, peed and then lingered as he washed his hands. Drue, who was tall enough to see over the door, caught Scot checking out Drue’s body. Scot’s eyes flicked up connecting with Drue’s and Scot didn’t immediately look away.

Drue grew hard looking into Scot’s eyes and then turned his body to hide his growing cock. As if nothing was happening, Scot then walked out and neither boy mentioned it again. It had been the most erotic moment of Drue’s life up until then but he didn’t know what to make of it.

There was also the time when Drue had a leg perched on the ataman in the TV room forgetting that he wasn’t wearing underwear. Scot had come in and had asked to change the channel. Not having the remote, Scot stood in front of the TV and looked back. His eyes quickly shifted from Drue’s eyes to what was dangling from the rip in Drue’s shorts. Scot didn’t look away until Drue realized what Scot was looking at and Drue had lowered his leg in embarrassment. Again, Scot didn’t say a word. But Scot also didn’t hide the erection he got moments later as he sat next to Drue watching TV.


‘Had Scot actually been about to kiss him?’ Drue wondered again.

In spite of whatever Drue had wanted to believe was happening that summer, Scot had always acted straight. There had been stories going around that Scot had had sex with a girl on the couch of one of the sorority houses. Everyone knew him as a guy who tried to sleep with as many girls as he could. And because of his fantastically good looks, he often succeeded.

Drue stared at Scot as he buddied up with the guys who had dragged him away. These were clearly his real friends. The way they threw their arms around each other and laughed made Drue jealous. They would probably be friends for the rest of their lives, while Drue would slowly fade out of Scot’s memory.

Drue knew he had only one more shot at being with Scot. If he hung around, Scot could perhaps return to him. Scot could pull away from his friends and come back to him allowing anything to happen.

Drue waited idly and nothing like that occurred. More of Scot’s friends joined him and with them came the girls. That’s when Drue knew his time with Scot was done. Drue knocked back the rest of whatever was in his cup and headed out. He had to pack. His parents were arriving in the morning and after the graduation ceremony, his college life would be over.

Drue entered his dorm room finding his roommate inside. He and Brett had not exactly been friends, but considering they each had had girlfriends with private bedrooms, their living arrangement had worked.

“What time are you handing in your keys tomorrow?” Brett asked matter-of-factly.

“As soon as I’m packed up, I guess.”

“You think you could help me load my car?”

Being from Sudan, Brett’s parents weren’t coming to graduation. His plan was to drive the hour north to Madison and move into his graduate school apartment.

“Sure,” Drue said not having to hide his disappoint in front of his unobservant roommate.

“Thanks. I brought you some boxes,” Brett stated pointing to the folded cardboard leaning against the wall.

Sadness and disappointment washed over Drue. He couldn’t believe that this part of his life was complete. He couldn’t believe that he would never see Scot again.

Feeling the alcohol kick in, he could admit to himself that he had always wanted to be more than just friends with Scot. He had thought about Scot all of the time during the last four years. There were even times while he was having sex with his girlfriend that he imagined Scot naked on top of him.

His heart ached for the boy. Drue imagined that if he had only had another second with him, he would have done all of the things he had ever dreamed about. ‘If only,’ he thought before he was interrupted by a tapping.

Drue turned and the sight took his breath away. Scot was knocking on his dorm room window. Scot waved at him and then disappeared into the darkness. Drue’s heart raced. What was going on? Was he letting himself in?

Already starting to shake, Drue turned towards his propped open bedroom door and waited. It didn’t take long before Scot walked in. Scot was beaming his megawatt smile clearly buzzed from shots.

Scot looked at Brett. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Brett replied brushing off the distraction.

Turning to Drue, “You left the party,” Scot mentioned casually.

“Yeah, I had to pack,” Drue explained while having a hard time breathing.

“Okay.” Scot looked at Brett and then back at Drue. “You wanna…” He didn’t say the words instead choosing to gesture with his head.

“Yeah, sure.”

Drue could barely contain himself. He walked out with Scot and his mind spiraled thinking about what he was supposed to do. The two boys walked for a while in silence. Neither of them questioned what was going on. But in spite of both having extensive sexual experience, this was new to them.

“So, do you have an agent yet?” Drue asked proud that he had gotten himself to speak.

“In Los Angeles? No.”

“Is that how it normally works?”

“I don’t know. This is my first time.”

“Going to Los Angeles?” Drue asked.

“Yeah. For a lot of things,” Scot said sending Drue’s mind into a whirlwind. “You ever get scared?” Scot continued taking Drue by surprise.

“I guess so,” Drue admitted.

“You scared about what life is gonna be like once you leave here?” Scot asked vulnerably.

“Maybe a little. But I’m not doing any as brave as you.”

“I don’t know how brave it is?” Scot admitted.

“Are you kidding? You have this amazing dream and you’re risking everything and going for it. What did I do? I took the safest possible major and I’m moving back in with my parents.”

“You’re going to be amazing, though. Whatever you do you’re gonna be the greatest in the world at.”

“That’s not me you’re talking about. It’s you,” Drue suggested.

The boys stopped finding themselves on the far side of campus. Standing on a grassy knoll, they were shaded by the night and the side of the Neese Theatre.

“I think I saw every play that you did here. You’re so talented. You’re so much better than everyone else.”

“I’m good for an actor in a small college in Wisconsin. What if everyone in L.A. is better than me? What if I get there and I look just like everyone else and no one gives a shit about me?”

It took every bit of courage Drue had to reach down and take the side of Scot’s hand in his. As he smelt the nutty musk of sex waft off of Scot, he felt his hands begin to shake. He could barely speak.

“You could never be like everyone else,” Drue said falling into Scot’s warm eyes. “You’re the hottest guy I’ve ever seen.”

Silence fell between the two before Scot gripped Drue behind his neck and kissed him hard.

Drue couldn’t breathe. His skin felt like it was on fire and his heart pounded out of his chest. Having dreamed about it for so long he touched Scot’s waist. He couldn’t believe it. He was locked in an embrace with Scot. Scot’s tongue was in his mouth in search of his and when they met, his chest ached.

Drue’s mind swam as they kissed. Was this it? Was this going to be all? There was one thing that Drue had always dreamed of. It was a part of his deepest held fantasy. What was it like to touch Scot’s cock?

As Scot held his lips on his, Drue moved his hand in secret. If this was the only opportunity he would get, he had to do it. His hand got closer as his physically shook. And when his hand was in line with what he wanted most, he slowly moved his hand forward. He brushed it.

‘Oh my god, Scot’s hard.’

Drue couldn’t resist, he had to touch him again. Resting his hand on Scot’s cock, his chest heaved. Boldly he palmed it and Scot’s dick flinched. He was turning Scot on and realizing it, both boys turned into animals.

Scot took control tearing at Drue’s clothes. Pulling Drue’s shirt over his head, he attached Drue’s pants. Whipping off his own shirt he pushed Drue onto the grass pressing their naked chests together. Drue had never felt another man on top of him before. It felt incredible.

He wrapped his arms around Scot pulling him closer. He could feel their clothed cocks touch. He needed more.

Before he knew it, he got it. Skin pressed against skin. Shaft pushed against shaft. It was everything Drue had dreamed it would be.

He still wanted more, though. He wanted to become one with Scot’s body. As he felt Scot’s strong hand slide down his back between his ass cheeks, he realized that he was about to get it. Scot pushed Drue’s asshole with his finger and Drue couldn’t help but moan “yes!”

That was all Scot needed. Like a man, Scot flung Drue onto his side. Getting behind him he pried Drue’s leg into the air.

Drue felt the tip of something wet touch his hole. He couldn’t breathe. After wanting him for so long he knew that Scot was about to fuck him. Drue held his breath as Scot’s hand pulled open his cheeks and with glorious fever, Scot’s brick hard cock pushed into him.

Scot was big. It was more than Drue had imagined. It hurt. His body tensed. He reached back halting Scot’s thrusts. Scot pushed past Drue’s resistance.

Conceding, Drue clawed at Scot’s leg as the cock penetrated deeper and deeper inside of him. It continued further than Drue thought possible. It was only when Scot’s groin pressed against his ass cheeks that it stopped.

Drue couldn’t believe it. Scot was inside of him. He was completely lodged in him. His mind spun with pain and delight and his excitement danced across his chest like a swarm of ants.

Scot lay still inside of him but Drue wanted more. Though it hurt he pulled his hips forward and then pushed it back. He wanted Scot to fuck him and getting the message, his young lover did just that.

Grabbing Drue’s inner thigh, Scot pulled back his massive cock and thrust.

“Ahhh!” Drue yelped not caring who heard.

Scot thrust again and again. The sensation made Drue quiver. He propped up his own leg taking hold of Scot’s hand. Interlocking their fingers, he wrapped Scot’s arm around him.

His cock felt so good. It was better than anything he had felt in his life. Scot’s nails dug into his palm as Scot’s fucking increased.

“Ah! Ah! Ah!” Drue grunted.

Scot was moaning too. His breath was pumping harder and harder on Drue’s neck. Bathed in Scot’s body heat and the smell of grass and sex, Scot’s massive cock stopped thrusting and twitched frantically inside of him.

“Ahhhh!” Scot groaned unloading in Drue.

Drue paused knowing what had happened but not knowing what it would mean. He didn’t want Scot to move. He loved the feeling of Scot inside of him and he loved being in his strong arms.

Scot’s out of breath pants blew closer to Drue’s ear. Scot sounded exhausted. Would he want to get up and leave? Was this it? Was this the end? The idea sent a shockwave through his heart. This couldn’t be it. He couldn’t stand to let Scot go.

Drue didn’t have to. Though Scot’s cock shrunk out of him, his lover remained attached. He pressed his naked body onto Drue touching every part of him. They were practically one. Drue thought that they would lay like that forever until Scot pulled his fingers from between Drue’s and then traveled south stopping at Drue’s still hard manhood.

Drue had never felt another man’s hand on his cock before. It was different. Scot’s hand was larger and his fingers were thicker than any of his girlfriend’s.

Scot’s hand glided lightly up and down his shaft like he knew was he was doing. Then with the soothing tone of Scot voice building to speak, Drue heard him say, “I want you to fuck me.”

Drue cock immediately twitched. Drue still couldn’t believe that Scot was acting like he wanted to be with him. It was the most arousing thing he could ever hear.

“Can you fuck me?” Scot asked tickling Drue’s cock.

After Scot had fucked him like an expert, Drue hesitated not knowing what to do. Scot let go of him and rolled onto his opposite shoulder. Drue followed.

Drue propped himself onto his elbow staring at the strong lines of his back. He was beautiful. He looked down at Scot’s ass. Round and firm, it was more magnificent than he could have guessed.

Needing to touch him, Drue reached out gently touching his side. His warm body felt so good. Breathing hard he brushed his fingertips over the ripples in Scot’s chest. In no way did it resemble a girl’s. There was no mistaking that he was with a man. The person in front of him was the guy he had once wondered if he was in love with. Now he was freely touching his naked body. Drue had to stop himself from crying.

Pushing his hand further down Scot’s side, Drue stopped on Scot’s ass. Taught and muscular, Drue loved it. He traced his cheek with his fingertips traveling up the crack. He wanted to feel every inch of him, but when Scot moaned with pleasure, Drue couldn’t help himself. He lunged forward slipping his palm between Scot’s thighs and rolled Scot onto his back.

Drue didn’t know how to fuck a guy so he was going to fuck him like he had fucked his girlfriend. Looking for Scot’s ass he pushed Scot’s knees further into his chest. Scot’s body was heavy, but Drue didn’t let him resist. Then with Scot’s asshole in line, he locked Scot’s knees into place with his elbow and took hold of his own cock.

Climbing on top of Scot, Drue realized how wet he was. Smearing his wetness onto his lover’s hole, he perched his tip onto Scot’s button and looked down. The anticipation in Scot’s eyes drove him wild. Scot wanted this. He really wanted this. So living his greatest fantasy, Drue entered Scot watching his beautiful face distort.

“Yes,” Scot moaned.

As Scot’s ass consumed Drue’s cock, Drue almost passed out. This was Scot’s ass around his cock. His heart wanted to leap from his chest. And when he reached his depths and then pulled back, Drue began to lose himself in the pleasure of it all.

Thrusting faster, Drue entered a rhythm. He felt so in control. He had never felt more like a man.

Still fucking, he leaned down and kissed Scot. Their tongues twirled around one another and if felt fantastic. Fucking harder, he felt Scot’s hand brush his stomach reaching for his own cock. Scot was enjoying it so much that he was jacking off as Drue fucked him.

This was too much for Drue. He could feel the familiar tingle jettison up the inside of his thigh and swallow his balls. The orgasm that followed arrived with an explosion.

“Ohhhh! Ohhhh!” Drue shouted sending his cock into a frenzy.

Orgasming for the second time, Scot sprayed their two chests with his juices as he lay folded beneath Drue. Neither of them cared. They were both overwhelmed and spent.

Collapsing onto Scot, Drue felt Scot’s arms wrap around them. They were both desperately out of breath. Not leaving Scot’s arms Drue rolled both boys to their side. Now able to get his arm around Scot, he clutched him bathing in their warm afterglow. Enveloped by the scent of lust and sex, they closed their eyes and immediately fell asleep.


When Drue awoke, it was already light. Remembering where he was, he looked around for Scot. He wasn’t there. What had happened? Where had he gone? When had he left?

Naked, he looked around for his clothes. Retrieving them he got dressed. How could Scot leave him like that? Already feeling insecure about what he had done, he began to feel alone and ashamed. Regret soon followed.

‘Why had I done this? Why had Scot done this? Was it because we were both drunk? That had to be it.’

Waves of shame washed over Drue. He needed to get back to his room before someone saw him. He could never explain to anyone where he had been all night.

Drue passed one person on his way back to his dorm. The girl was on her way to the cafeteria for the early shift. It was no one he knew. He would make it to his room without questions. And when he locked his bedroom door without waking his sleeping roommate, Drue crawled under his sheets and cried.

What were the tears for? It was for what had happened with Scot. It was for the fact that Scot had abandoned him there. It was for the fact that this was his last day at college. It was for all of that.

Mostly though, it was for himself. Who had he become with Scot? He didn’t recognize himself anymore. What did it any of it mean?

Drue hid in bed for as long as he could but pretending to be asleep, his roommate call to him shortly after he woke up.

“Get up. You have to pack,” he said in his African accent.

Brett was right. He did have to pack. His parents were probably an hour away and his room was practically unchanged. There was so much Drue wanted to do today. There were friends he needed to say goodbye to. He imagined taking one last walk around campus. And most of all there was Scot.

As disgusted and ashamed of himself as he was for what he had done the night before, Drue still had to see Scot. Maybe Scot had an explanation for leaving him there. Maybe he could say something that would make their night together seem alright. In any case, after feeling about him the way he had for the past four years, Drue didn’t want to leave things with Scot the way they were.

Continuing to stuff all of his belongings into a box, Drue stopped in a sudden realization. Scot could be thinking of him like one of the many girls he had slept with. Maybe Scot considered their night together one last bit of college fun before the real world.

In that moment Drue became sure that that was why Scot had left. Someone like Scot could never have real feelings for someone like him. Drue was just another experience for him. And now that he had checked it off of his list, Scot was done with him. Coming to grips with his realization, Drue felt even worse.

Fighting the depressive weight of his thoughts, Drue did his best to focus on packing. It worked. By the time his parents had arrived most of it was done. His parents helped him with the rest and like he had promised Brett, he, and also his father, loaded up their two cars then closed their bedroom door behind them for the last time.

Drue’s parents never left Drue’s side after that. Drue still got to say goodbye to most of his friends. The one’s he didn’t see before the ceremony, he saw during. The only one he wanted to talk to and didn’t was Scot.

Looking around for him he spotted him in line as the ceremony began. He was too far in front to say anything.

Drue watched as Scot got his diploma. Raising his arms in triumph his family cheered. The sight made Drue smile.

After the ceremony, Drue wanted to look for Scot. Trapped talking to professors who had come over to meet Drue’s parents, he couldn’t. After that, Scot was gone.

“Wait! Can you wait here a second? There’s something that I have to do,” Drue said to his dad as they were about to drive away.

“Did you forget something?” his father asked pulling the car to a stop.

“Yeah. Can you give me a couple of minutes? I just need to do one thing.”

“This is your day, son. Whatever you need.”

Drue peeled himself out of the stuffed car and ran back to his dorm. Scot’s room was on the second floor and he had said that he wasn’t leaving until tomorrow. He could still be there. It would be awkward and weird but he had to talk to Scot before leaving him forever.

There were questions that he needed to ask him. Had what they done meant anything to him? If it hadn’t, why had he looked into his eyes like he did?

“Scot?” Drue bellowed knocking on the locked dorm room door.

“I think he left,” Samir said from across the empty hall.

“He said he wasn’t leaving until tomorrow.”

“Oh. Well, I saw him go out with his family. If he comes back, do you want me to give him a message?”

Drue looked at Samir. He and Samir had taken Economics 101 together their freshman year. Drue hadn’t really gotten the chance to know him, just like he hadn’t really gotten the chance to know Scot.   

“No, that’s okay,” Drue conceded.

“Do you want me to tell him that you were looking for him?”

“No, that’s fine,” Drue relented. “I’ll talk to him another time.”

There was no other time, though. Drue believed that there was someone he could ask for Scot’s number. But when he had gotten it and called, Drue learned it had been disconnected. Scot’s school email address bounced and as far as he could tell, Scot had disappeared from social media.

Scot was gone. It was like he never existed. If not for so many memories, Drue would have believed that their night together never happened.

It did, though. It was a night that Drue would never forget. That night was the night that had changed the direction of Drue’s life.



Chapter 2


For months after arriving home, Scot was all Drue could think of. It took considerable prodding from his father to get him to look for a job. When he found one, Drue couldn’t shake the feeling that in spite of being a finance major and it being an investment firm in downtown Chicago, accepting the job had been a mistake.

During his interview, the woman interviewing Drue explained how she had started out as a secretary and had risen to her managerial position. She was telling him that there were growth opportunities at the company.

Drue could find a wife, buy a house, have two point five kids and retire on his 401k in fifty years. His future was clearly laid out before him. But was that the life he wanted?

He knew that that was the life that was expected of him. He hadn’t given much thought to what he wanted, though. That was one of the reasons he couldn’t stop thinking about Scot. Scot knew what he wanted and as difficult as it was to achieve, there wasn’t anything that was going to stop him from getting it.

Drue sat at his cubical at work staring at yet another spreadsheet. They were all beginning to blend together. Taking a break he leaned back and looked around. It was a sea of uniformed cubicles. Like a bad movie everyone had their heads lowered absorbed in their work. He seemed to be the only one who saw how ridiculous it all was.

After work, Drue decided to walk to the closest bar for a drink. The alcohol didn’t help his mood. It only made him more restless. Creeping up on him was this irresistible need to escape. He needed out of his life. The need was so great that he had to fight the urge to throw up.

The thought hit him, ‘A gay bar!’

What had made him think of that? Was it the fact that Scot now occupied the majority of his thoughts? Even so, why would he want to go to a gay bar? Was it to drink? To pick up men? Considering that he wasn’t gay, it had to be because it was the most different thing to his life that he could imagine.